Couples Therapy vs. Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues
Your guide to figuring out which kind of support actually fits your relationship
Why is my relationship struggling—and do I need therapy for it?
Let’s be real: relationships are hard. Even good ones. Even ones where you love each other. Whether you’re in a slow-burn disconnect, dealing with epic fights over dirty dishes, or quietly wondering, “Is this... it?” You’re not alone.
Maybe communication feels like walking on eggshells. Maybe intimacy has taken a back seat to schedules and stress. Or maybe one of you is evolving faster than the other and you’re not sure how to grow together.
Here’s the good news:
Therapy can help. The only question is—should you go alone or bring your partner?
What’s the difference between individual therapy and couples therapy?
It’s kind of like the difference between going to a yoga class by yourself or signing up for partner acro yoga. In both cases, you’re working on balance—but one is focused on your internal world, and the other focuses on how you move together.
Individual therapy is about exploring your own thoughts, triggers, past experiences, and emotional patterns. You get a space to unpack things like:
Attachment wounds or trauma that show up in relationships
Fear of abandonment or conflict
Self-sabotage and communication struggles
The “why am I like this?” spiral (hi, we see you)
Couples therapy, on the other hand, zooms out. It looks at the dynamic between you and your partner—how you talk, argue, reconnect (or don’t), and what keeps getting stuck on repeat. Think:
The same fight playing on a loop
Trust issues or betrayal repair
Feeling like roommates instead of partners
Emotional or physical intimacy gaps
You’re both in the room (or Zoom), actively working on the relationship as the client.
When should I choose individual therapy over couples therapy?
If you're unsure where to start and everything feels tangled, individual therapy is a great entry point—especially when:
You're unsure if you want to stay in the relationship
You’re working through trauma that’s impacting how you attach or communicate
Your partner isn’t open to therapy (yet)
You need to get clear on your needs, boundaries, or identity before tackling things together
Sometimes, couples therapy brings stuff up too fast before one (or both) of you has the capacity to work with it. Individual therapy can help you build that emotional foundation so that if/when you do go to couples therapy, it’s less “defensive dodgeball” and more “tag team growth.”
Bonus: working on yourself doesn’t mean you're saying the relationship is doomed. Sometimes, it’s the very thing that saves it.
When is couples therapy the better option?
Couples therapy is a power move when:
You’re both willing to show up and make changes
You’ve hit a recurring issue that conversations alone can’t resolve
Communication has turned into sarcasm, shutdowns, or scorekeeping
You want to reconnect emotionally or physically but don’t know how
A big event (infidelity, grief, move, baby, etc.) has shaken the foundation
You don’t have to be in crisis to benefit. Many couples wait until things are on fire—but therapy is even more effective when you come in with some hope and curiosity intact.
Think of it as relationship maintenance. You go to the doctor before your leg falls off, right?
What if my partner won’t go to couples therapy?
You’ve asked. You’ve explained. You’ve sent them the meme about therapy being sexy. Still—nothing.
This is super common. And frustrating. And also... not the end of the road.
Here’s what we suggest:
Start with yourself. You can make huge shifts in a relationship even if only one person is in therapy. Emotional regulation, boundary-setting, and clarity are contagious.
Get curious about their hesitation. Are they afraid of being blamed? Do they feel therapy is only for “broken” relationships? Address the fear—not just the resistance.
Frame it differently. Try: “I think we could both feel better with some outside help. It’s not about who’s right—it’s about getting unstuck.”
Normalize it. Therapy doesn’t mean failure. It means effort. We brush our teeth and change our oil—why not check in on the most important relationship in our lives?
And hey—if they still won’t go? You’re not powerless. You’re just working on your side of the dance for now. That still counts.
What if I don’t even know what I need?
Maybe you’re feeling lost. Or numb. Or exhausted by trying to figure out what’s “normal” in relationships. Maybe you’re Googling things like:
“Is my relationship healthy or am I just anxious?”
“Should I stay or go?”
“Why do I shut down in fights?”
“Is it me? Or them? Or both?”
Totally normal. In fact, that’s where a lot of people start. You don’t need all the answers to begin therapy—you just need the willingness to explore the questions.
A skilled therapist will help you get clear on:
What’s yours to work on
What’s part of the relational dynamic
What you actually want (versus what you think you should want)
Clarity is powerful. It leads to action. It’s the first step toward peace—whether that means reconnecting, setting boundaries, or even parting ways with grace.
Can you do both individual and couples therapy at the same time?
Short answer: yes. But with boundaries.
It’s common for one or both partners to also be in individual therapy while doing couples work. That said, most therapists won’t see you both individually and as a couple—it’s a conflict of interest. You’ll usually have separate therapists, or see a team that’s used to coordinating care.
Think of it like this:
Couples therapy = working on the relationship’s operating system
Individual therapy = debugging your personal code
Together, they make the whole system smoother.
What if you’ve already tried therapy before… and it didn’t work?
Ah yes, therapy déjà vu: the polite nodding, the vague “how does that make you feel,” the sense that maybe you could’ve just journaled instead. If you’ve tried therapy before and it felt meh, disappointing, or flat-out unhelpful—you’re not alone.
Sometimes, the issue is fit.
Therapy is like dating. Just because one therapist didn’t click doesn’t mean you’re unhelpable (yes it’s a word…but don’t look it up). It means you haven’t found the person (or method) that works for you yet.
At Stillwater Therapy, we focus on:
Relational safety—so you actually want to show up
Customized approaches—CBT, EFT, Gottman, psychoeducation, humor, snacks...whatever works
Being real—because you don’t need someone to just nod and say “hmm.” You want change
You’re allowed to try again. You’re allowed to be skeptical. And you’re allowed to find someone who helps therapy feel useful, not just heavy.
Final Thoughts: There’s No “Wrong” Place to Start
Whether you start solo or together, it all counts. Choosing therapy—any therapy—is an act of care. It says: “This matters. I matter. We matter.”
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t need to be in a crisis. You just have to be willing to take one small step toward clarity, connection, or healing.
And if you’re still unsure?
Come chat with us. We’ll help you figure out where to begin—without pressure or weird therapy jargon.
Want to explore working with someone from our team?
We offer individual and couples therapy in Clearwater, FL, and virtually across the state. Start with a free consultation, and let’s get you on the right path.
FAQ’s
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Yes, especially if you’re stuck in repetitive arguments or feel disconnected. It can help you communicate better and understand each other more deeply.
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Absolutely. Working on your own patterns and triggers can create healthier relationship dynamics—even if your partner isn’t in therapy.
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Couples therapy helps improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional connection. At Stillwater, we use the Gottman Method—a research-backed approach that teaches practical tools to break negative cycles and deepen your bond.
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Start individual therapy. It can still help you feel empowered, supported, and clear on what you want.
